Andrea was swamped with work, the demands of her job seemed never ending and she found it increasingly problematic to stay on top of the tasks and expectations of her boss and co-workers.

Outside of work there were yet more demands on her time. An elderly aunt, her parents and her mother-in-law all seemed to require time and effort from her in order to function and that was alongside a teenage son at home.

Her husband was always telling her to slow down and take some time out before she exploded or dissolved into a puddle, all her energy spent but try as she might the constant cycle of looking after others and dealing with the demands made it difficult for Andrea to know where to start. She was juggling so many balls she wasn’t even sure what they were anymore, let alone if she could put any down.

Andrea couldn’t remember the last time she just mooched around the shops, had coffee with a friend at the local garden centre, or even got her hair done. She was pretty sure these things used to happen but failed to understand how she had ended up in this spiral of behaviour which left her with no energy whatsoever to do the things she liked to do.

The situation Andrea found herself in is a common one and if you’ve ever found yourself anywhere near as entangled in life as she did, you will know first hand how easy it is to get in to but how bewildering difficult it is to regain control.

Many of us have had times of overwhelm when we have had to dig deep in order to get through a tricky time but when that behaviour and thought pattern continues beyond the immediate crisis then it can wreak havoc on our self-esteem, confidence, energy, creativity, productivity and our physical and mental well-being.

Some people call it ‘people pleasing’ behaviour.

Once identified it can feel like the sky has fallen in. A raft of emotions can suddenly come into play. Feelings such as disbelief, guilt, anger, resentment, despair, embarrassment and apathy.

But, the first step on the road of regaining control is to acknowledge the problem; seeing it for what it really is helps to ease the emotional onslaught and allow a more focused view of the actual issues that helped to get you there in the first place.

Give yourself permission to listen to yourself.

We all have a little internal voice, a dialogue that we can tune in and out of. We often tune it out when we don’t want to hear it because it is telling us something we don’t want to hear at that time, if this keeps happening, the voice becomes quieter until we can no longer hear it at all.

When we listen to our inner voice, we can notice that it knows what we need in order for our needs to be met. When our needs are being met, we function to the optimum level.

This means sometimes declining the needs of others and putting yourself first.

It’s a tough ask. And it takes time to rebuild the relationship with yourself to learn to trust and act on the advice of the inner voice who has your best interests at heart.

There are ways to reconnect with yourself which are less stressful and kinder to our sense of needing to help others. Becoming more self-reliant and resilient does not mean that you become an insufferable selfish person, only concerned with your own needs, on the contrary, it makes helping people even more pleasurable, because you are able to enjoy and receive some benefit for yourself.

When beginning on this journey it can be a common element to seek reassurance for our new way of being while it still feels new and a little alien to use. This is ok but not always the most effective strategy, especially if the other person doesn’t fully understand your aims and objectives and may make you second guess your strategy. So, instead, ask yourself these questions:

“What would help me consider my own needs?”

“What do I need in order to hear my inner voice more frequently?”

“How do I begin to voice what I want?”

You may find it useful to write these headings down and jot down ideas and thoughts as they occur to you. It may have been a very long time since you have even recognised and acknowledged your own needs so be gentle with yourself and allow the answers to come.

Often people tell me what is ‘wrong’ in their world. The ungrateful child, the demanding boss, the unsupportive partner or the selfish behaviour they encounter going about their every day lives. We don’t always notice the impact this can have on us and don’t always realise that it is us that needs to change in order to make things better.

Learning to stop depriving yourself in order to help others requires patience, time and guidance.

If you are ready to take a look at this you may find my Top Tips for Self-Care useful. You can download it from the bottom of this page.

Support is available in three ways:-

1. Free introductory session (30 minutes) where we explore what is meant by self-care, the negative and positive effects and how to improve your general well-being by using a few simple tips. This may be all you require, or you can explore further by choosing one of the following packages.
2. ‘Well Woman’ program. You can treat yourself or share the love and gift this to the female in your life! 3 x 1-hour sessions to discover the cause of your issues, create a personally tailored plan to use both in the session and in the time in between, so boosting your progress. Finally, we review and create a maintenance plan for use going forward.
3. Mind & Body Package – A comprehensive 3 session mix and match approach. The benefits of some hands-on reflexology and discussion around key issues, teamed with a selection of tailored, time trusted therapy interventions designed to provide relief and motivation. Each client is treated as an individual so each 3-session package is unique to you and your requirements.

Each package creates complete piece of mind, enhanced understanding and a bespoke plan.

Includes:-

• Support between sessions via Zoom or phone calls
• Workbook to enhance your self-care practice
• More clarity and purpose on aspects of self-care like relationship with stress and anxiety

If you are ready to take a look at this you may find my Top Tips for Self-Care useful.

If you would like to receive occasional hints and tips from me, please click on the download button and enter your email address.

You will then be able to download your free copy of ‘Top Tips for Great Self-Care’.