Who’s On Your Team?
No-one functions well all on their own, all the time. Where solitude has its place, we are essentially pack animals and work on the premise that there is safety in numbers.We have a variety of fundamental needs in order to be at our best and deliver our best performance. When those needs are compromised it can have a direct impact on our overall well-being and ability to cope.
A number of my clients are having sessions with me because of a fundamental factor – lack of motivation. Everything seems dull, boring and humdrum and this is definitely not conducive to sparking the creativity and energy needed to tackle the numerous tasks on a day-to-day basis.
This fundamental problem is not always apparent to the client, and they often come with a variety of problems such as stress, sleep issues, feelings of overwhelm, anxiety or depression, or challenged through changes that are happening to them or around them. Generally, they feel under resourced or not equal to the demands being made of them.
We know when we feel like this, there are those tell-tale signs of not wanting to get involved, distancing ourselves from social activities, changes in our eating or sleeping patterns and just not feeling quite right. So, we decide that we need some help and we turn to someone for that help. Now, let’s just suppose that the person we chose is not good at the type of support we need. This can leave us feeling even worse.
This has then set up a pattern of behaviour in which, asking for, needing or wanting help begins to feel like a negative thing and the result can be that we soldier on by ourselves, doing our best, feeling more tired, stressed and fed up.
Consider when was the last time you asked for some help? How was it received? Did you get what you needed or not? and either way, how did that make you feel?
It’s quite possible that you have had to really think about that last situation when you asked for help. Now, when was the last time you could have done with a little help?
It may be interesting to observe the contrast between these two scenarios.
And ask yourself, what stops me asking for help?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and read your comments. Contact me at enquiries@susangraingertherapy.co.uk
Who’s On Your Team?
There are few jobs that are as demanding as being a parent, raising a child.
When I worked in Social Care, we used to use an advertisement poster with all the jobs a parent would have to be prepared for. As you can imagine, it was a pretty long list!
It read something like this:
- Needs to be on duty 24/7, no holidays, no time off. Needs to be able to deal with snot, vomit and poo whilst remaining cheerful and singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’.
- Needs to be a clown, children’s entertainer, teacher, nurse, cook, cleaner, bedtime story reader, swimming and cycling coach and never be in a bad mood.
- Also helps to be able to praise art work especially the random kind that appears on your walls.
- No experience necessary.
- No pay, or entitlements.
- Needs to have a heart of gold, a strong constitution and shins of steel.
Phew, if you read this, would you sign up? And yet, as parents we do this day in, day out because we love our kids and we want to do our best for them.
Delilah the Feeling Dragon will be making an appearance next week for Derbyshire Half Term and she is talking and giving ideas on activities around positivity.
I hope you can maintain your sense of humour through the holidays and perhaps enjoy a moment or two of glorious positivity with your off-spring.
For more help and support on parenting, please visit the section on my website about children and young people.
Or you can contact me at enquiries@susangraingertherapy.co.uk
Who’s On Your Team?
As we have previously highlighted, no-one functions well all on their own, all the time.
Where solitude has its place, we are essentially pack animals and work on the premise that there is safety in numbers. So having people ‘on your team’ so to speak can give us an advantage and be incredibly helpful.
One thing I know as a therapist is that having helpful people around you and effective strategies to use helps with those problems, we face that demotivate us.
So, whether it’s a teenager who is struggling with the pressure of course work, a self-employed person who is facing tough decisions or a someone like you who is thinking – “actually, I feel like I’ve lost my drive and spark at the moment,” then try this simple exercise.
- Write your name in the middle of a sheet of paper.
- Then begin to write the names of the people you have around you. These can be friends, family members, partner, parents, work colleagues, and people who provide a service to you such as hairdresser, gym advisor or dentist even.
- Then use each name and tag what they give you in terms of support.
Support can come in many forms such as emotional, practical, informational and affirming and the support that is given by the people around us can fit into one or many of the categories. For example, having coffee with a good friend might yield some emotional support for you in terms of having the opportunity to off-load some problems or concerns and might also contain some practical advice which you can then utilise.
Reading up on a topic or doing some research can provide you with some informational support, giving you a slightly different platform on which your creativity can begin to problem solve.
Once you have done this with all of the members of your support network, then write a list of the issues you are currently faced with and then marry the two pieces of information together so you can begin to get the support you need from the person who is good at that particular type of support.
Feel free to let me know how this exercise worked for you and look out for further posts on how having ‘a team’ can be beneficial. You can contact me at enquiries@susangraingertherapy.co.uk
Who’s On Your Team?
I’ve been recently speaking about and highlighting the why and how we get a team together. Now let’s look at the benefits of having those people around you who help, support and just ‘get’ you.
Here are 5 advantages of having a strong support system:
- Sense of belonging: A sense of belonging is important throughout our lives. It starts with our family of origin and our friend group as we grow from children to adolescents to adults. We need to thrive, not just survive. With a good support system in place, we can flourish and reach our potential in whatever area we are striving.
- Reduce Stress: A strong support system aids in stress reduction. Venting and spending time with loved ones can help reduce our anxiety, and increase our mood. Call a friend or family member to go for a walk, hike or a yoga class when you need to reduce stress. Having a strong support system can assist us in decompressing after a stressful day.
- Improve overall health and wellbeing: A good support system helps with our overall physical health throughout our lives and especially as we age. Feeling as though we are not alone helps with physical health as well as emotional wellbeing.
- Emotional support: An emotional support system is very important as good emotional health and wellbeing can increase overall physical health. A strong support system is pertinent to good emotional health as it gives us a community of support during the trying times.
- Improved self-esteem: When we have people we can rely on and who can rely on us for support, we feel better about ourselves. It is always good to feel as though we have some people rooting for us on the side-lines as well as rooting for those in our support system.
We tend to go with who we know or who someone else knows as that provides a little more safety.
Consider who is in your team or who you could do with in your team. I’d love to hear your thoughts! Let me know at enquiries@susangraingertherapy.co.uk
Who’s On Your Team?
As a Girl Guide leader, I am part of a team in the unit and an international organisation.
As a daughter, wife and mother I am part of a family.
In business I am part of a Guild and a governing body, the NCIP. (National Council of Integrative Practitioners). And also, networking groups.
Also, I have people to rely on and who help me. My book-keeper, my supervisor and mentor.
And lots of other group situations like friendships, local community, area, etc.
We have discussed the benefits of being part of a team and these can be wide reaching, however, what if your experience of being in a team has not been that positive?
We can have some horrible memories of not being picked for the school team or being left out of a group of friends. These memories can provoke powerful emotional responses which can be difficult to deal with and may influence your view of groups and so the concept of having a team may seem like your idea of hell. So, you alter or modify your behaviour and become more self-reliant and insular. Being able to depend on yourself is an awesome skill however, not trusting anyone else to help can cause numerous problems including relationship issues, missing out on work promotions and life experiences like travelling.
One thing that I attend to many times in my clinic room is helping clients to deal with trust issues. These may have come about through childhood experiences, betrayal within a relationship (romantic or business), a significant loss (financial, social standing) or a perceived injustice. One thing all of these potential situations have in common is that the person’s view and understanding of the world has been challenged and may be skewed slightly, meaning that it feels alien and unsafe. I regularly hear statements such as ‘I can’t ever let my guard down again’ or ‘I’ll never love anyone again’.
These types of beliefs are a result of a negative experience and they can become a barrier that provides a way of avoiding further pain, humiliation, guilt or rejection. And can ‘colour’ our future in an unhelpful way.
Learning how to trust again often means adding resolution to the hurtful incidents of the past and moving forward with more dignity and grace.
Many therapies can help with this. If you would like to discuss how I might be able to help, please get in touch. I offer a free, 30-minute consultation for us to discuss the issues, ask any questions and look at a possible treatment plan.